Saturday, July 2, 2011

Back renewed and refreshed :)

My last month has been a blaze. Outings, study, tuition, camp, spending time with family and some time for myself. Many of these events I'll share and some I won't. You could call me superstitious, but I think some things maintain their potency if kept secret ;) But yes, I will share many of the things I've learned with you all.

Most importantly though, My last month has been a month of self discovery. If I've not written a blog post in that time, it's because I've been in a sort of transition. I felt like a shapeless piece of clay that hadn't been moulded. And it took a while for me to realise that I'm the one who moulds it. And in fact, I'm still realizing it.
I've been giving some of my time to self-help literature. And I do feel much better!

So for this morning's post, I'd like to give you an idea of the kind of things I've been considering. I've been trying to resolve some of my old issues and deal with new ones. So today I'm going to listen to a piece of advice I read the other day, to go to the place inside me that doesn't really believe in me and tell it the truth. I have realised the importance (and the necessary difficulty) of solving my problems. And I wanna share…myself. I've decided to face old limitations and free myself. This is one of them, a confession, if you will. (But if you'd prefer a more fun post, I will put up one of my love-hate relationship with maths soon. Along with some new poems)

There’s a part of me that believes that I’m a social misfit, inadequate and perhaps undeserving of great friends and acquaintances. I’m either too awkward, too weird or just plain unlucky. Just because I have different tastes and preferences (in manners for example) I will not be accepted. That they will look at me in a strange way or laugh behind my back. That they will ignore me as being unworthy of notice and they’ll never give me either respect or friendliness.
And then I tell it: I have different preferences and choices because I believe in them. I can adapt myself to situations, but it won't be right to compromise on my values. In this huge world of billions of people, it is extremely unlikely that I won’t find a single good friend. Perhaps I just need to wait for the right people. But perhaps I just need to open my eyes. Hey, I'm not alone and friendless. Neither am I bad. I'm just stuck in my house for the summer holidays while my friends are in theirs – never more than a phone call away. Empty mind is a devil's workshop indeed. And now that my last year in school is restarting, it’s high time I realized my value. I do have friends and if I forget about them because of the neglect of others, it would be my blindness to my good fortune. And my refusal to accept the good I have. But why do I refuse it? Because I do not believe in myself. And how do I change that? I must hold on to a belief that inspires me rather, than one which pulls me down. So like many have told me, perhaps I'm an awesome individual :)

And my inner voice now sarcastically says, “Fake it till you make it honey. But I just think you’ve lost it.”
You know what? Maybe I have. But I'm going to give the new me a shot. She deserves a chance. A chance to live, sweetly, happily, honestly and more maturely. It's time to plunge back into life. Wish me luck!

Cheers to life!

Hope you've all had an awesome last month too :)


Vivarjitha said... you're having an enlightenting time...!!!! have fun....gud luck once again:-)

Charu said...

@Vivarjitha: Thank you! And I hope you're having a good time in 12th too :)