And I woke up wishing some of it could be true.
Life has seemed so trapped lately. Studies, attempts (read: short lived, failed attempts) to have fun, dissatisfaction with whatever I did etc. etc. This came to head when I realized something: I'd forgotten to have fun (my friends will probably roll their eyes here). But worse, I had no idea what was fun for me. Did I actually like TV or internet surfing? Did I enjoy rereading my favourite books? Did I enjoy watching new movies? Did I enjoy sleeping? I wasn't even sure what I really enjoyed!
Yesterday morning, I realized what I enjoyed: adventure
But I realized I'm still in class 12th. No chance of a proper vacation and even a day off from studies would induce guilt trips. What kind of adventure could I possibly have in the next six months that would make me feel alive again?
And some day, sooner or later, the fun of new scenes and situations would disappear. Either the number of places I could explore would run out or I'd be too old (I'm kind of afraid of becoming an adult) to enjoy new things. Hmmm...what's the one way to ensure that the adventure lasts? Like I wrote in an earlier post, The Gift of a Day, how could I wake up every morning excited? It used to be easier when I was a kid. Life itself felt like an adventure then.
Maybe I need a new pair of eyes. One that tries to stay unclouded by pessimism, sadness and worry. One that sees and takes advantage of all the good that's available - long days, kind friends, good health. One that doesn't let me stay down when I'm upset. One that's so optimistic that it's always ready to keep moving on. Many experiences have probably made me mellow down and mature. Wisdom doesn't mean I have to be serious all the time. And it doesn't mean I have to lose my drive. I only have one life. Better take care of myself. Getting or not getting something might not mean so much ten years from now or when my life is over. Why make myself unhappy over things that don't really matter?
So I spent my morning listening to my favourite songs that I hadn't listened to in a long time. In a few days, I'll be meeting my peers in school again. Will they notice a change? Will they like me better? But I should have more faith. Because those who'll mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind. After some months when the farewell and boards have happened, who knows how many will choose to stay in my life?
Life never ends. Every day is an adventure when you can choose to find something new, or lose yourself along the way. Instead of trying, making th choice to commit and do will be my mantra for the next few days. My next adventure could be around the corner...if I keep my eyes open :)
Only eyes open to new things will find them. Only hearts open to happiness will feel it.
Image from: here
5 comments:
I felt nearly same when I was of your age but the moment you will enter college things will change. You will have a new life altogether. And rightly said, we need to keep our eyes and heart open to seek the pleasures you missed...:)
I really liked this post (okay, I like almsot all of your posts :D), but at your age, and even now sometimes, I have these similar thoughts in my head. Especially when it comes to following a passion in life - I don't even know what my passion is! But anyway, there are times when I let my hair down and be the mad me, instead of the responsible, hard-working person - and when I'm mad it's really fun!
You said it quite rightly - "Wisdom doesn't mean I have to be serious all the time." Aptly put! As we grow older, we tend to get more serious because of the number of responsibilities that fall on us - we need time-out to re-discover the child in us every now and then.
There's a new adventure in every phase of life :)
i really really really really hope... u find an adventure soooooooooooooon :)
and yes yeah.. sometimes when we get stuck a new pair of eyes would certainly help :).. cool write up :)
Take care and keep writing........
aaaah... hold onnnn... life begins once you start your life on ur own.. every day becomes an adventure. Esp when u start earning.. you have your money in ur pocket, you have your feet, you have your mind, every day is ur day and you can choose where u want to go and what to do!!! :) But before all tht.. the more better your scores in 12th.. the better the future and better the adventure!!! :)
Hey dear readers, I'm so lucky to have you all reading my blog. Thanks to each and every one of you for your lovely comments!
@Saru: I'm glad you liked this post. And I do hope you're right about college :)
@Venice: You like almost all? Wow! But I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one having these thoughts. Proves to me that doubt is a necessary part of everyone's life.
Ah, the mad me - people don't get to see her very often, but I do enjoy it! And the child in us is usually so lovable, carefree and full of joy that it's worth our while to rediscover her(him).
@Thousif: Haha, I sure did! And the irony is that it came directly after I finished writing this post. I don't know if I'll put it up, but yes, an adventure it was...thanks!
@Dee: Looks like I'll have to be patient enough for my 12th to pass before I can fulfil my other dreams right? But I'm doing my best because you're right - " the more better your scores in 12th.. the better the future and better the adventure!!! "
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