Rediscovering adventure

I woke up yesterday morning from a strange dream which had Batman, a masked villain, my school friends, the school auditorium and a hot air balloon :D

And I woke up wishing some of it could be true.

Life has seemed so trapped lately. Studies, attempts (read: short lived, failed attempts) to have fun, dissatisfaction with whatever I did etc. etc. This came to head when I realized something: I'd forgotten to have fun (my friends will probably roll their eyes here). But worse, I had no idea what was fun for me. Did I actually like TV or internet surfing? Did I enjoy rereading my favourite books? Did I enjoy watching new movies? Did I enjoy sleeping? I wasn't even sure what I really enjoyed!

Yesterday morning, I realized what I enjoyed: adventure

But I realized I'm still in class 12th. No chance of a proper vacation and even a day off from studies would induce guilt trips. What kind of adventure could I possibly have in the next six months that would make me feel alive again?

And some day, sooner or later, the fun of new scenes and situations would disappear. Either the number of places I could explore would run out or I'd be too old (I'm kind of afraid of becoming an adult) to enjoy new things. Hmmm...what's the one way to ensure that the adventure lasts? Like I wrote in an earlier post, The Gift of a Day, how could I wake up every morning excited? It used to be easier when I was a kid. Life itself felt like an adventure then.

Maybe I need a new pair of eyes. One that tries to stay unclouded by pessimism, sadness and worry. One that sees and takes advantage of all the good that's available - long days, kind friends, good health. One that doesn't let me stay down when I'm upset. One that's so optimistic that it's always ready to keep moving on. Many experiences have probably made me mellow down and mature. Wisdom doesn't mean I have to be serious all the time. And it doesn't mean I have to lose my drive. I only have one life. Better take care of myself. Getting or not getting something might not mean so much ten years from now or when my life is over. Why make myself unhappy over things that don't really matter?

So I spent my morning listening to my favourite songs that I hadn't listened to in a long time.  In a few days, I'll be meeting my peers in school again. Will they notice a change? Will they like me better? But I should have more faith. Because those who'll mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind. After some months when the farewell and boards have happened, who knows how many will choose to stay in my life?

Life never ends. Every day is an adventure when you can choose to find something new, or lose yourself along the way. Instead of trying, making th choice to commit and do will be my mantra for the next few days. My next adventure could be around the corner...if I keep my eyes open :)

Only eyes open to new things will find them. Only hearts open to happiness will feel it.

Image from: here

9 myths about 12th class

Yesterday was my last official (or maybe unofficial?) day in class 12th - at least from regular classes. I will write a post on the overall experience some day - but I'm not ready to let go of it just yet. So continuing the theme of my last post, here is a little list I pulled together about 9 enduring myths about 12th class in the CBSE. Enjoy!


9. This year can't be something special, just something forced on you
You might have no control on the way the education system is made, but you do have control on your own potential. It's up to you to make the best of it, waste it or destroy it. Each and every day, you will have chances to do the better thing and every day it's your call. Many 12thees have wonderful memories of the times they spent with their family and friends. Many ordinary things seem all the more special because you're in 12th, even something as small as being called "didi" or "bhaiya". The future is full of mystery - many wonderful surprises might be waiting for you. You really can look back on this year with pride and happiness.


8. You won't mess up at all and won't have a single problem
If you had that magical ability, you probably wouldn't have messed up at all in the years until now. Little mistakes, silly mistakes, annoyances, sad things...they all could happen. Be as cocky as you want, but if mistakes happen, deal with them. It's really the mistakes you'll learn your most valuable lessons from. Really make this YOUR year. And don't panic!

7. If you don't have friends in your section, you're doomed
No way, 12th class is all ABOUT making friends. One of the truest things I was ever told is that in the last year, everyone comes together. The sense of camaraderie actually becomes stronger because all the students in your batch suddenly realise that they're all in the same class - the most senior in the school, soon to pass out. In fact, I've actually seen some friendships grow stronger because the students were in different sections - they valued the time with each other more. And besides, new friendships will form, if you open your heart to them.

6. Everyone should understand what you're going through
Don't get upset when people don't "get" what you're going through. With every age, every school, every past, the experience changes. It is because the emotions may be similar, that stereotypes continue. Everyone you know may start advising you, pitying you, ignoring your problems or (seemingly) scheming against you. Take it easy though - your problems maybe something only you know, but it won't help you to lash out on them or ruin your mood. And it won't help them empathise either. Not everyone might understand, but sometimes, you both can get along even if they don't!

5. Getting stressed out means you care about your studies
I've even tried intentionally stressing myself out, just to get started studying for an upcoming test. You can experiment with this if you like, but I'd say, don't bother with it. The real problem is a lack of motivation. Sustained, unhealthy stress is not good for you. And the difference between unhealthy and healthy stress is how it makes you feel, deep down. Real motivation will get you studying eagerly, happily and fruitfully. Aim for motivation rather than stress.

4. 'Time management', 'accountability' and 'deadlines' are all words made for adults
Haha, you'll get to hear them pretty often from people when you're in 12th. Especially from teachers who begin threatening you on Day 1 and other people who'll have expectations from you. Don't worry, the amazing part is - they're not so bad! In fact, they are actually useful things you can learn which will help you for years and years. You might not learn everything there is to know about them in one year, but if you approach the year determined to learn, these are things worth discovering. Accept it or not, you will become an adult soon. In fact, by the end of the year, you might even discover a way to work them into your style :)

3. You can do anything if you want to, when you want to.
Somewhere, sometime there will be some kind of trade-off, compromise or even, sacrifice. Real maturity will come from doing what you know what is right. While it may sometimes feel like you've lost your freedom, you're actually building it up, little by little. By putting your time, money and energy in the right things you gain control on your life and most of all, on yourself. You get a chance to be that hero who does the right thing in the face of temptation.

2. You'll have three whole months to study before the board exams
Not true, as countless students will testify. Typically, you'll have several exams before the boards which will test you on your complete syllabus. The last few months before the boards usually go into term exams, pre-boards, practicals and lots of revisions. The best time to study is early in the year, in the holidays and all those times you think you don't need to study.

1. For the 12 months you're in 12th grade, you have no life - except studies
NO, your life still remains what you make it. Even the most studious and conscientious take time off study sometimes in 12th and guess what? The sky doesn't fall over their heads. Many students keep in touch with their hobbies along with regular studies. While it is true that studies are important for your future in this year, you still have the choice of how much responsibility to take up. And many of these extra-curriculars will benefit you directly or indirectly. What is true however is that every thing you do will most definitely have consequences and no good action can have a bad consequence. Make this one last year in school the best it can be.

Make the most of the journey!

photo credit

Those of you out there who've already gone through 12th, what would you add to this list?

12th class really stinks sometimes...

First off,

Happy Diwali !

This long post is more like a diary entry or a rant than a life lesson. So read at your own risk! Oh, and I do apologize to my dear readers for having been inactive on blogger for a while. You'll find the reasons in this post.

There comes a lecture in every student's life when he's just hearing and not really listening to his teacher. And the chances of that increase when you're in 12th class.

That was a thought that I never thought I'd have. I had this idea, before 12th, that by sheer hard work and foresight, I would avoid every one of the pitfalls of 12th I'd heard about - bunking classes, spacing out in lectures, studying 6 hours a day etc. etc. I have been fairly successful, but yeah, there have been problems. You probably guessed that, right? They were the reason I did not reappear on blogger for the last few weeks.

I'm on a week-long Diwali break right now. And every day I've been studying - Political Science, Maths and Economics. I've also been working for some competitions - essay writing, debates and poetry. Our school teachers are so confident of my skills now that they confirmed my name for competitions without even telling me! And when I tried telling them that I did have to study, their rather surprised reply was, "Beta, you won't be studying all day na? It's your last year. Just take out a little time, we know you can do it!". That's when I wanted to shake them. They've probably don't take my 12th class as seriously as I do. But for some reason, I was unable to think of more polite ways to refuse at the time and have taken on another source of stress in the holidays.

True, I won't be studying all the time. But my teachers are undervaluing my own feelings about my studies. If they asked, I would tell them how I haven't been able to get more than a superficial understanding of my latest chapters in Maths and Economics (it worries and annoys me).  I would tell them how I felt horribly guilty for goofing off in front of the TV sometimes. I would tell them how I felt so darned incompetent because of my marks. I could even tell them that while I loved winning competitions, their lack of support made me angry. Taking on another competition somehow made me feel guilty - like I wasn't taking my own studies seriously enough (Maybe they weren't doing anything intentionally, I just felt bad at the time. Then again, maybe I wouldn't tell them unless I thought they would understand)

Life's been really busy in the last two weeks. I've been working on something new for my blog (I'm really excited about it!), I've been trying to read new story books, I've been trying to (reluctantly) practice maths and prepare for tuition tests, I've been helping teachers with their tasks in school, I've been trying to develop a sensible schedule (I initially thought time management was my only problem), I've been studying for my exams. In a nutshell, I've been trying to be perfect. I've been trying to keep up appearances of sanity until the holidays started, when I decided it was time for revamp. Too much stress in my life is NOT healthy. I would end up feeling sad, dissatisfied and kind of alone. Also, I couldn't psyche myself out of every headache I got because of my depleted physical and mental energy. I felt so, so out of control of my own life.  

As a little kid, I would always think "life is fun!". Life had so many little surprises. How far away that seems now! Has life become smaller or my mind?

I took a break this week (read:tried to take it. Can't really escape time-bound obligations). I timed my work throughout the day to give myself more free time. But still, there is a lack of motivation to do all the things I must do. I've learned the difference between motivation and inspiration. One can't substitute another. If I could have one wish right now, I'd love to go on vacation, all my responsibilities taken care of. The constant scruples about the way I use my time are getting really annoying. There was a time when I could come home, do exactly what I felt like and not feel too bad about it. Now it's like my own mind is rebelling against the constant association with school and trying to pull me in ever more interesting directions. Yesterday, I spent two hours looking up pictures and videos of the best screen villains instead of working for my competition. Today, I'm writing this blog post instead of working on my essay!

And all this time, each and every day, I wonder if I'm doing the right things. Lately, every time I'd get a compliment I'd think, "Awww, that's nice of you. But you might not like me if you know the whole story. I feel like a fake. I don't feel honest." And when I feel I'm not doing such a good job, I tend to automatically feel that everyone else is doing a better job than me. Talk about the curse of having too much time and choosing to think too hard. I let my life become a complicated quest for happiness, literally asking myself, "Should I be happy about this?".

It was time to give myself some care and respect. I'm not a machine, I'm a human being. It's machines you can have high expectations from and curse when they go wrong. Not people. And I'm not living to be like other people, I'm living to be the best of  me!

Well, I do feel a little bit better now.

Many of you must have already crossed 12th as just another stage of life. What your best advice?

Take care of yourself dear readers and don't let stress into your life
Charu

Pssst...I have a special surprise planned up for my wonderful blog readers in the coming few weeks. Stay tuned!

Giving our best

How often do we do it? Have you ever wondered about a friend, "I know s/he can do so much better. Why didn't he?"

I wrote sometime back on the Gift of a day. But this time I am considering the gift of a person. We never really know how far we can go unless we push our limits. The same way we never really know how tall a tree will grow if we cut it down. 


We think differently, feel differently, react differently. But we don't always celebrate those differences. Many of us tolerate the differences but we don't consider them as potential strengths, only potential obstacles to the relationship. Consider the fact that soon after meeting someone new we start thinking about them, their choices, their tastes and the ways in which they are different from us. We practically live in a society that encourages comparison and competition. Healthy competition that inspires us to improve on ourselves is one thing, but the dark side to it is when we are driven to doubt ourselves or feel ashamed of who we are. 


Recently I noticed that when I sang in my room (behind a locked door) I tried my best, again and again, to sing as well as the singer I admired. This was different from the times when I have sung on stage. Fear was part of it though, but I feel truly now that I did not give my best. Now that I can see things more honestly, I feel there were two reasons. a) I was afraid that my best was not good, laughable or just plain pathetic b) I didn't want to give my best. And why didn't I? Because I was saving it for something else. I was saving it for an occasion that would feel just right: when I felt the audience on my side, when I felt prepared, when I felt I had more to gain and when I felt support (instead of scorn) from the organizers themselves. 


But now I remember my journey as an NCC cadet. I remember practising a loud voice to command my troop. I realise that I sing better when I sing louder and really feel the song, as opposed to when I sink my voice and just want to escape the whole scene. Frustration got the better of my determination both times and I didn't do the best I could. I think I almost intended it as a lesson against the party which I was angry with: As if I could punish them by not giving the best of which I was capable! 


I read The Leader had no title by Robin Sharma some time back. One of his key ideas is to give the best in all you do, to stick to a standard of excellence, to become a true leader. I did not fully believe his ideas then because I was inclined to think that one should adjust his response to the requirements. But now I see that I have missed many of the opportunities which actually demanded my best. Taking the case of singing, if I would have sung louder, I would have sung better. If I had sung better, who knows what opportunities would have opened up for me? Conversely, by knowingly giving less than what I was capable of, I only disappointed myself. 


I think back now on the times when I did give my best: writing something I felt inspired to, trekking in the mountains, learning physics ;) , planning surprise birthday parties...Those times are now some of my most favourite memories. I remember them when I'm down and that I need to keep trying at the things which feel hard. Besides, they've taught me so much more about myself than years of superficial conversations, unheard lectures or forgotten articles. Those were the times when I felt I delivered. I felt proud of who I was. Doing the best you can actually expands on your best, because since those times I've felt stronger. And at those times, appreciation really didn't matter so much: I think I was just proud at a job well done :D And the results always justified the efforts. And now I remember one quote on success I've heard : " Success is not how far you get bu the distance you travel from where you started" . Many of those seemingly small and mid-size opportunities can really be a springboard for you and the success you want. 

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems - Mahatma Gandhi 

Far and away, the best prize life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing - Theodore Roosevelt

You cannot become what you want to be by remaining what you are - Max Depree

Sorry, I couldn't choose one from so many lovely quotes :)

So here are my parting wishes to my dear readers: I  hope that you will receive many opportunities to express your best self and qualities. Just don't waste them :)


I got the pic here

The gift of a day

Isn't it amazing how much there is to a single day? Just one day makes or breaks nations. Just one day empowers or destroys lives.

I went to Select Citywalk mall yesterday evening. Before leaving, I took a few minutes to sit near the fountain. I was fascinated by the moving water. Part of it was rising and falling again (like fountains do) and there were some mini waterfalls behind it.

I tried capturing it with my camera. I even thought to myself, "Oh sit still for a moment. I don't want a blur in the photo. I want to catch that unique pattern you're making just now". And immediately I felt as if the water was replying back. It said, "Stop? But it was my lovely movement that pulled you here right? Wouldn't it be boring if I stopped? No new bubbles and waves and eddies and foam?"

I thought about that as I clicked. Then an idea came to mind. That flowing water is a metaphor for life. We are ever in movement, typically unaware of that which makes us beautiful. And that movement is something that is everlasting. So why do we keep trying to stop and impress the camera, that is, impress the other people in our life? Wouldn't it be better to try and be like that water and move freely, happily and joyfully?

When I got up today morning (nice and late after ignoring my alarm) I felt happy. I remember thinking, after a long time, "Wow, a whole new day and it's just beginning". It was like just seeing the sunlight streaming in through the window made a bubble full of happiness burst in my heart.

New ideas came to mind "For many days I've gotten up worried about something or the other. I've woken up thinking either that it was another useless, boring day which had no purpose or on the other hand, how XYZ important task would get done. You know, every time I spend my day thinking about one particular thing, it just colours and affects everything I do. The whole outcome of my 24 hours begins to depend on the outcome of that one work, which was probably just a tiny part in the scheme of my entire life. I lost sight, like some say, of the big picture. I remember wondering how some people can go ahead happily with their day even when something goes wrong. This must be it. They must be able to detach themselves from the small things and remember that they still have a whole day, a whole, big day!

Think about it positively. A day is another opportunity to move closer to your dreams and goals, another chance to feel love and trust for your loved ones, another chance to learn something new, another chance to learn from a mistake, another chance to discover yourself, another chance to appreciate beauty, another chance to feel peace and contentment, another chance to help someone who needs it, another chance to do something that gives us happiness, another chance to smile and giggle and another chance to celebrate life while we still have it. But it as all just a chance, not a certainty, something that we alone can take at its word and give full strength. Think how much we gain from a more detached perspective - a calm head, a heart with hope safe inside and a chance that we can still feel happy at the end of the day. We are not the tasks. Tasks are just things we do. And believe me, the more mistakes we make, the more we learn. And lots of times, we may be pulling on stress for all sorts of small things. Step back and discover the power of me and the power of a single day."

And then I remembered a poem I'd read in my english coursebook, A Thing of Beauty, by John Keats. Just thinking about it made me feel happier. So I decided to put down these thoughts on my blog. And then I began worrying, "What if I don't express myself well? Think of the consequences! What if I forget all these nice thoughts and feelings when I sit down to write? Then what will be the use? What if I'm just being crazy and nobody cares?" And at this point I stopped myself. By writing about this, I'm trying to capture a moment, a feeling. Even if I don't capture it "perfectly" (an indefinable concept at that) what's the worst that would happen? If I keep myself open to it,  I would learn what I need to know, whatever it may be. And the moment would keep shining like a beautiful dewdrop in my memory.

 They (the days) come and go like muffled and veiled figures sent from a distant family party; but they say nothing, and if we do not use the gifts they bring, they carry them silently away - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Smile, think and use every day well dear readers :)