Giving our best

How often do we do it? Have you ever wondered about a friend, "I know s/he can do so much better. Why didn't he?"

I wrote sometime back on the Gift of a day. But this time I am considering the gift of a person. We never really know how far we can go unless we push our limits. The same way we never really know how tall a tree will grow if we cut it down. 


We think differently, feel differently, react differently. But we don't always celebrate those differences. Many of us tolerate the differences but we don't consider them as potential strengths, only potential obstacles to the relationship. Consider the fact that soon after meeting someone new we start thinking about them, their choices, their tastes and the ways in which they are different from us. We practically live in a society that encourages comparison and competition. Healthy competition that inspires us to improve on ourselves is one thing, but the dark side to it is when we are driven to doubt ourselves or feel ashamed of who we are. 


Recently I noticed that when I sang in my room (behind a locked door) I tried my best, again and again, to sing as well as the singer I admired. This was different from the times when I have sung on stage. Fear was part of it though, but I feel truly now that I did not give my best. Now that I can see things more honestly, I feel there were two reasons. a) I was afraid that my best was not good, laughable or just plain pathetic b) I didn't want to give my best. And why didn't I? Because I was saving it for something else. I was saving it for an occasion that would feel just right: when I felt the audience on my side, when I felt prepared, when I felt I had more to gain and when I felt support (instead of scorn) from the organizers themselves. 


But now I remember my journey as an NCC cadet. I remember practising a loud voice to command my troop. I realise that I sing better when I sing louder and really feel the song, as opposed to when I sink my voice and just want to escape the whole scene. Frustration got the better of my determination both times and I didn't do the best I could. I think I almost intended it as a lesson against the party which I was angry with: As if I could punish them by not giving the best of which I was capable! 


I read The Leader had no title by Robin Sharma some time back. One of his key ideas is to give the best in all you do, to stick to a standard of excellence, to become a true leader. I did not fully believe his ideas then because I was inclined to think that one should adjust his response to the requirements. But now I see that I have missed many of the opportunities which actually demanded my best. Taking the case of singing, if I would have sung louder, I would have sung better. If I had sung better, who knows what opportunities would have opened up for me? Conversely, by knowingly giving less than what I was capable of, I only disappointed myself. 


I think back now on the times when I did give my best: writing something I felt inspired to, trekking in the mountains, learning physics ;) , planning surprise birthday parties...Those times are now some of my most favourite memories. I remember them when I'm down and that I need to keep trying at the things which feel hard. Besides, they've taught me so much more about myself than years of superficial conversations, unheard lectures or forgotten articles. Those were the times when I felt I delivered. I felt proud of who I was. Doing the best you can actually expands on your best, because since those times I've felt stronger. And at those times, appreciation really didn't matter so much: I think I was just proud at a job well done :D And the results always justified the efforts. And now I remember one quote on success I've heard : " Success is not how far you get bu the distance you travel from where you started" . Many of those seemingly small and mid-size opportunities can really be a springboard for you and the success you want. 

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems - Mahatma Gandhi 

Far and away, the best prize life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing - Theodore Roosevelt

You cannot become what you want to be by remaining what you are - Max Depree

Sorry, I couldn't choose one from so many lovely quotes :)

So here are my parting wishes to my dear readers: I  hope that you will receive many opportunities to express your best self and qualities. Just don't waste them :)


I got the pic here

Back renewed and refreshed :)

My last month has been a blaze. Outings, study, tuition, camp, spending time with family and some time for myself. Many of these events I'll share and some I won't. You could call me superstitious, but I think some things maintain their potency if kept secret ;) But yes, I will share many of the things I've learned with you all.

Most importantly though, My last month has been a month of self discovery. If I've not written a blog post in that time, it's because I've been in a sort of transition. I felt like a shapeless piece of clay that hadn't been moulded. And it took a while for me to realise that I'm the one who moulds it. And in fact, I'm still realizing it.
I've been giving some of my time to self-help literature. And I do feel much better!

So for this morning's post, I'd like to give you an idea of the kind of things I've been considering. I've been trying to resolve some of my old issues and deal with new ones. So today I'm going to listen to a piece of advice I read the other day, to go to the place inside me that doesn't really believe in me and tell it the truth. I have realised the importance (and the necessary difficulty) of solving my problems. And I wanna share…myself. I've decided to face old limitations and free myself. This is one of them, a confession, if you will. (But if you'd prefer a more fun post, I will put up one of my love-hate relationship with maths soon. Along with some new poems)

There’s a part of me that believes that I’m a social misfit, inadequate and perhaps undeserving of great friends and acquaintances. I’m either too awkward, too weird or just plain unlucky. Just because I have different tastes and preferences (in manners for example) I will not be accepted. That they will look at me in a strange way or laugh behind my back. That they will ignore me as being unworthy of notice and they’ll never give me either respect or friendliness.

And then I tell it: I have different preferences and choices because I believe in them. I can adapt myself to situations, but it won't be right to compromise on my values. In this huge world of billions of people, it is extremely unlikely that I won’t find a single good friend. Perhaps I just need to wait for the right people. But perhaps I just need to open my eyes. Hey, I'm not alone and friendless. Neither am I bad. I'm just stuck in my house for the summer holidays while my friends are in theirs – never more than a phone call away. Empty mind is a devil's workshop indeed. And now that my last year in school is restarting, it’s high time I realized my value. I do have friends and if I forget about them because of the neglect of others, it would be my blindness to my good fortune. And my refusal to accept the good I have. But why do I refuse it? Because I do not believe in myself. And how do I change that? I must hold on to a belief that inspires me rather, than one which pulls me down. So like many have told me, perhaps I'm an awesome individual :)

And my inner voice now sarcastically says, “Fake it till you make it honey. But I just think you’ve lost it.”

You know what? Maybe I have. But I'm going to give the new me a shot. She deserves a chance. A chance to live, sweetly, happily, honestly and more maturely. It's time to plunge back into life. Wish me luck!

Cheers to life!

Hope you've all had an awesome last month too :)

Image from : http://sporeflections.wordpress.com/2010/01/19/spo-reflections-on-a-rainy-drippy-week-in-phoenix/

Achieving the impossible...

Many days ago, I read this story in the newspaper. This was a fictional story in a motivation article. A boy in school fell asleep in his maths class. When he woke up at the end of the class, he saw two problems written on the board. Thinking that they were for homework, he copied them down before going home. At home, he put his full efforts into solving the problems. They were hard, but he laboured throughout the night and managed to solve one. In the maths class, he showed it to his teacher. He was afraid he would be punished for not finishing his homework but as it turned out, his teacher was astonished. This was because the problem solved by the boy was actually (or should I say, was supposed to be) impossible. The moral of the story, of course, was that determination can achieve anything.

This got me thinking. It's all very well for the boy who fell asleep in class, but what about us? What if we were awake in that class and had heard the teacher say the problem was impossible? How would we solve the problem then?

In our lives, no matter what age we are, we all sometimes face problems that we think are impossible. Whether it's learning a new skill, solving a particular problem, changing ourselves (or others) for the better etc. We usually start by thinking that it will be difficult, but if we find we can't succeed after putting in some efforts, it might become easy for us to give up. We could decide that the task is impossible, or at least, impossible for us, and give it up. Or even if we do continue, it'll be with a sort of defeated attitude. If we wouldn't feel confident of our skills, it'll be easy to feel demoralised. So what do we do when we get into the mindset of "this is impossible!" ? What do we do if we've stayed awake in class and "know" a problem is impossible? Unless we have are super-powerful at forgetting things and are also determined to finish the task, it's likely to be hard for us. Now I'm in no way qualified to be a lifestyle coach or motivational guru, but if you're interested, here are my views:

1. Analyse - There's no way you're going to solve a problem if you're ignorant. Make sure you've gathered some information about your challenge; whether you actually LIKE what you're trying to do, whether you have the faintest clue of what to expect, whether you really want to commit yourself to try hard and so on.

2. Be rational - It's not likely you'll have to solve an impossible problem. If you've already analysed, you should have a fair idea of whether you want or have to do. Even if you have to solve something "impossible", try to be rational and not hysterical.

3. Be determined - If you really want to do something, most tasks should be easier than you think because half the battle is won. Self motivation is exactly what'll keep you going.

4. Forgive - Yourself, the situation, others, whoever you have to for your peace of mind. Relax.

5. Remember - You've done new stuff before, right? In fact, lots of the stuff you take for granted now was probably new to you at some point. As for a personal example, when a new session starts in school, I go through my books to see what I'll be studying the year. It looks really intimidating at first, but by the end of the year it feels like the back of my hand. You'll have different problems no doubt, but don't make the mistake of focusing only on the mistake you've made. Let the successes you've had do their job and buoy you up when you need it!

In the end, don't give up without giving your best ;)

Image : http://fatfinch.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/house_sparrow_m_i_img_7881.jpg